I am man, hear me roar

You may have noticed I use the name “Ralph” as my nom de plume, and my cartoony self portrait in the banner shows me unshaven.

That’s because I’m a guy, first and foremost.  I don’t change my name to “Mary Sue” when I put on a dress; I dont’ want to spend a short while thinking of myself as a woman; I certainly don’t want to attract the hormonal attention of a guy under any circumstances (funny story about that… will write it later).  I never wear makeup.  I shaved my legs a few times years ago to see how it felt, and it turned out to be more trouble than it’s worth so I stopped.  Even if I did want to “pass” as a woman, or go all the way and get the snipping done, I speak in a deep bass so I doubt I’d fool anyone.

I like the dangly bits.  I like scratching my crotch, and rarely shaving, picking my nose, and spilling taco sauce on my velvet gown while I watch a stupid, violent movie on DVD.  I like having sex with my wife, regardless of what (if anything) either of us is wearing at the time.  When I talk about myself in the third person, I use the male pronoun set, and I expect others to do the same when talking about me.

I realize that not all CDs are at that same point on the spectrum, and I’m not telling you how to live.  But this is my blog, and I’m telling you how it is with me.

There’s a personality test that I’ve taken online a few times which determines how much guy vs. how much girl you have in you.  Last time I took it, years ago, I fell just about smack in the middle; now it would probably be more towards the guy side because I’m a lot less confused about who I am now.  But the point it, it IS a spectrum, not an on/off switch.  You can be anything from Neanderthal to Barbie, both mentally and physically.

You know, when I wrote that last line it occurred to me that a lot of what makes me tick is a desire to mix and match contrasting elements of gender stereotypes.  I read years ago about the “Barbie Liberation Front”, a group who protested the exaggerated gender stereotypes given with Barbie and G.I. Joe dolls.  They bought up (this was all done legally, no shoplifting required) a bunch of talking Barbie and Joe dolls from toy stores, then switched the conveniently interchangeable voice boxes on them so Barbie would roar “Let’s kill ’em!” and G.I Joe would chirp “Let’s go shopping!”  Then they took the dolls back to the store and put them back on the shelves for unsuspecting shoppers.  When the stunt was revealed, stores offered to let shoppers return the dolls for a full refund, but I understand that instead those dolls have become highly prized collector’s items.  Of course I would have taken it a step further and put Joe in Barbie’s dresses, but it was still a hilarious stunt and with the news coverage it served the purpose of calling attention to inane, outdated stereotypes.

Let’s go shopping, and then kill ’em all!

PS – I found the COGIATI test here: http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php?lang=en.  My response to the test inspired yet another rant, though, so look for more comments on the COGIATI elsewhere.


About Ralph

Male. Straight. Married.
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One Response to I am man, hear me roar

  1. Zosimus the Heathen says:

    I get a lot of what you’re saying, as I’ve been wearing women’s clothes for nearly twenty years myself, and have seldom attempted to “pass” as a genetic female. The only times I have have been a few occasions when I attended fancy dress parties dressed as a woman, and while that was sufficiently fun for me to want to do it again sometime, I prefer my “default mode”, whatever I’m wearing, to be male. I quite like the guy I am, and feel I’d be doing him a great disservice if I attempted to obliterate every trace of him when dressing up, as though he were someone to be ashamed of. I’m not quite as “rough and ready” as you seem to be – I shave my legs; have been known to wear makeup on more than the odd occasion; and hate spilling food on my clothes. On the other hand, I love a good, mindless action flick (or, for that matter, football match) as much as the next guy (and love it even more when I’m sinking a few beers while watching it); and as for the nose-picking thing, well, if nobody’s looking…

    I can also relate to what you say about liking to mix and match contrasting elements of gender stereotypes, as I like doing the same kind of thing myself. I’m a fairly creative individual, so find mucking around with gender in that way a lot of fun, and have also found that being a walking, talking mass of contradictions can be great fun too; it makes you a little more interesting and memorable, as well as a little harder for other people to psyche out. Your description of the antics of the Barbie Liberation Front actually reminded me of a simple yet striking costume I’ve created for myself. Consisting of an olive green satin skirt teamed with a camouflage print T-shirt, it’s a combination I’ve dubbed my “Libyan (or Palestinian) supermodel” outfit. On one occasion I was wearing this (at my place of employment of all places), I also added a green shower cap to it and dubbed myself “Bioweapons Facility Barbie”! Great stuff!

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