You’ve Got Male!

Wrote this in response to a discussion elsewhere, and once again I liked it so much I had to share it here.  The discussion was about crossdressers who do not consider themselves sissies.

There is such a wide range of motivations for crossdressers, and the way we view ourselves.  What exactly makes one a “sissy”? Some would say simply wanting to wear anything but (men’s) pants and (men’s) shirts is enough to brand you as a sissy.  To others, “sissy” is a loaded word that carries the weight of a large chunk of the fetish community — if I wear a tasteful velvet evening gown, conservative pantyhose, natural looking makeup, etc. I’m no sissy but if I wear childish puffy dresses and bloomers and Mary Janes then I am.  To others it may be a difference in personality — what you wear doesn’t make you a sissy, even if it’s the poofy petticoats etc., but if you *act* childish and submissive, you’re a sissy.  Still others would say you’re only a sissy if you want to engage in physical intimacy with a man while you are dressed as a woman.

Me, I don’t consider myself at all female.  I don’t do the bras, breast forms, makeup, wig, or even shoes; I don’t use a female name when I’m dressed and I sure as anything don’t want so much as a warm smile from a man.  I don’t get into the Lolita outfit thing (*sigh* once again, “not that there’s anything wrong with that”) or use baby talk or want to be ordered around by a domineering woman.

And yet… I cry at romantic comedies.  I *do* prefer the soft touch of satin on my skin instead of the rough scrape of cotton and denim.  I love sappy Hollywood musicals and I know far too many show tunes which I sing with gusto.  I’m physically weak, no good at all at any sports, and I love roleplay and costuming more than pretty much all of my male friends combined.  I’m nurturing and conciliatory and back away (run away) from fights.  I often cross my legs the “girly” way when I sit.

And yet… I’m embarrassingly hypercompetitive with games that I play well. I have little patience for people who become immobile just because of a little pain.  Cowboy up and get back in the game!   I love violent first-person-shooter games.  I’m prone to crude jokes, I scratch myself in public, pick my nose when I think nobody’s looking, and laugh along with my son at mindless action adventure movies with lots of explosions. I rarely shave, don’t brush my teeth nearly often enough, and almost never comb my shaggy hair. Even if it were socially acceptable to wear dresses in public I probably wouldn’t because I have no sense of style at all.  I dress for my own comfort, and as a result I lurch around the house in ill-fitting satins that are baggy in some places and stretched hopelessly tight in others. Even if I were a woman, I’d be the main feature on the “People of Wal-Mart” picture site because of the horribly sloppy way I dress.

Most of the folks here would probably not consider me a sissy.  The rest of the world?  I was doomed to sissyhood the first time I ducked from fear of a softball flying towards my face.

About Ralph

Male. Straight. Married.
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5 Responses to You’ve Got Male!

  1. John says:


    I can very much identify with the diversity or is it more accurate to say the dichotomy on one’s personality as you have described yours. I have very similar behavioral traits as do you. As a child I was not at all effeminate but certainly more sensitive than I believe most boys are. The biggest difference is that I was active in sports and while I was afraid of the ball as it were, perhaps male cultural socialization forced me to overcome it or a desire to please my father. I was never great in any sport but showed some potential in baseball but I could rarely control my urge to cry at disappointments and even in front of others. I did get better at hiding it and have unfortunately learned to almost automatically shut down when in a vulnerable situation only to have it all come flowing out when I’m alone. Definitely cry at movies, sappy TV shows, stories of inspiration, etc. I definitely spent more time on my looks to impress women then most guys but didn’t really do the things that most guys do to impress them like make a lot of money, own fancy or macho cars. Now that I’m a bit older I don’t focus on my looks as much as I used to. Anyway, just connecting with a kindred spirit.

  2. So glad to know you, John. Thanks for commenting!

  3. Kate Kelly says:

    You are a rarity, a true individual who has discovered for himself what he likes and how he wants to experience life. This takes a little bit of luck, stubborness, kindness, courage, curiosity and sensuality mixed into the right amounts and tempered by wisdom. We can only hope the world will produce more otherwise we are all lost.

  4. Ralph says:

    Not that I can think of, Thorin. I know a lot of crossdressers have that kind of split personality and talk about it like it’s a good thing, but not me. I can only imagine what a sight I’d be for the casual passerby… sitting at my computer in a nice soft dress, occasionally picking my nose or hitching up the skirt to scratch a not-at-all-ladylike itch.

    In fact the one time I have ever felt self-conscious about what I was wearing around my wife, we were fighting over something. Tthis was years ago; I don’t remember the circumstances at all but I do remember having a moment of seeing the scene as though from an outside perspective — standing their in a velvet dress, bellowing angrily about whatever was bugging me at the time. All the while we were bickering, a mocking voice inside me was saying “Yeah, I bet she’s taking you real seriously now Mr. Macho…”

  5. Grok says:

    The least pejorative term I’ve come across is “Tomgirl”. One definition-a male who enjoys feminine pursuits. Note that the term isn’t very rigid, it does not preclude an interest in traditionally male pursuits.

    (Not to be confused with the other definition, being a alternative term for a female who is a Tomboy.)

    Probably the second least pejorative term would be “Janegirl.”

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