When I first started this blog, it was for the purpose of finding, relating to, and encouraging other crossdressers. As part of that goal, I spent a lot of time seeking out crossdressing blogs and forums to see what other crossdressers like to talk about.
What I found was… not me. Page after page about panties and bras, passing as a female in public, how to hide what you do from your wife (!), and musings factual and fictional on the authors’ erotic attraction to women’s clothes.
I have said before that you can’t redefine “crossdresser” to the point that you claim you aren’t one, if you are a man who wears women’s clothes for any reason, in any quantity. But if all of the above defines the crossdressing community, I’m getting off this ride at the next stop. I pass no judgment on those who do prefer to go fully female or like using clothing as a sex aid (there are far weirder and much more unhealthy ways to pursue arousal) or those who collect panties like some people collect baseball cards… although I still have harsh words for folks who claim to love their wives and yet make lying and deception a part of a relationship built on trust. But that’s a sermon I have preached repeatedly and won’t go into here.
Instead, the bloggers I have the most in common with are the ones who, for personal or marital or spiritual reasons have decided to quit crossdressing entirely. They understand that “if it feels good, do it” is a self-destructive philosophy; they understand the importance of limits and self-control and taking responsibility for your actions, your family, your job.
Does that mean I’m also quitting? I don’t know. Right now, it just means I’m changing my focus. I feel like an idiot participating in these “stop crossdressing” blog discussions with an avatar that shows me in a big satin gown, so I’m changing my avatar photo by way of supporting my friends who take the desire to stop more seriously than I do.
I am still physically (and psychologically) a male who wears clothes designed for women, so I can’t deny the crossdresser label. And yet… I really don’t see myself that way. For whatever reasons that have blurred over 40 years, I like soft fabrics against my skin and I like the open, loose feel of long skirts brushing against my legs. But I don’t like wearing clothes just because they were designed for women. I know that many crossdressers will gladly wear denim jeans and t-shirts and button-down shirts and cotton underpants… as long as those items, even if they are visually indistinguishable from men’s clothes, are sold in the women’s department and are marketed with women in mind. And let me state again before going any further, I pass no judgment on folks who do that. You have your own path, and where that takes you is your business (the theological implications of crossdressing are a whole different can of worms that I have addressed here in the past and my friends address on their blogs).
I guess what I really long for is the day when a man can go into the men’s department, walk past the camoflage cargo pants and flannel shirts and select from satin and velvet gowns with full skirts. Can you imagine the ads? A lady reaches for a dress in her bedroom and the hairy arm of her husband stops her and takes the dress away, reminding her that it’s his. “Rustler evening gowns: Soft enough for a woman, but made for a man.” When that happens, I can truly wear “men’s” clothes and not need to call myself a crossdresser at all.
I know, that’s never likely to happen. But a guy can dream, can’t he?