Last month I wrote a lengthy reply to a married lady who was upset upon the discovery that her husband is a crossdresser. I didn’t take sides; I explained the nature of crossdressing and tried to make it clear that it’s not something he chooses to do or wants to hurt her with, but it also isn’t something he can just turn off light a light. On the other side, he also needs to understand her feelings too and together they can explore what it is exactly he is seeking and what it is that upsets her, so they can find some middle ground where he doesn’t feel neglected and she doesn’t feel violated or betrayed.
Anyway, I had a nearly identical conversation with a completely unrelated “crossdresser’s widow” on another forum. My comments, similar to the ones posted here, were just a few of many similar suggestions from crossdressers and their wives about building up the marriage to be something bigger and stronger than crossdressing (and note to Thorin et al, I also stood firm in the face of claims that it’s “impossible” to stop and held y’all up as examples where it is indeed possible).
I mention this by way of introducing her final comments on the subject. Yes, there are so many ways crossdressing can destroy a marriage — if he lets it take the place of marital affection (sexual as well as nonsexaul intimacy), or lies to cover up his actions, or lets the dressing become more important than any other financial responsibilities or recreational pursuits, etc. But if both parties are willing to understand the issue from each other’s point of view, and he in particular is willing to take responsibility for the effect his actions have on his wife and make sure her feelings are always more important than his own… that relationship can still thrive and grow and be healthy.
So with that backstory aside, here is what she said after a couple of weeks wrangling with it:
I have come to realize a few things after the last few days. Maybe it is the fact I finally cried and let it out – not sure, but after heart to heart talks I have realized the following:
“My husband is not going to stop coming up behind me and kissing me on the neck, he is not going to stop giving me the playful grab as I walk by him, he is not going to stop finding me attractive and wanting me, he is not going to stop sending me little message texts throughout the day sometime which are naughty – all the things that I fell in love with him for are never going to stop. He is not going to stop wearing business attire when he goes out to a meeting (which I find sooooo sexy to see him in a suit). He is not going to stop being the Man I love He will always be in my life and he is never going to leave. The fact that he is discovering his Fem. side makes him a better lover and a better friend and a better husband.
So now that I have realized that – it helps. This weekend I feel happier than I have in a while. I guess I have to realize that I have not lost a husband but gained a girlfriend. I was so scared that I was going to lose my marriage – I didn`t stop to think about anyone else but myself. We both stopped and realized how the other was feeling which is probably the first hurdle to get over. Will I ever completely accept her into my life – not sure – but I accept the fact that she is there and she is not going away.
Have a great weekend everyone – I know I will